RMOC: Lux Gracetail

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RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by Lux Gracetail on Sun Nov 30, 2014 2:36 am

See the link. It's quite long, so I'd rather not post it onto the forums.

http://goo.gl/y7dz9a

Erm, feedback appreciated, what you like, what you don't like, etc.
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by Galom on Sun Nov 30, 2014 2:42 am

Well, Lux. I must say. You have a fantastic OC here. There's not a lot of critique I can really give. Well-developed, interesting character; one that I never forgot since the one time you appeared to Guile randomly in a WL+T.

Cheers; may Lux continue to live on as a legend. ^_^

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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by AxeBane on Sun Nov 30, 2014 4:08 am

Only thing I can see that's wrong with them is that they sigh too much. :^)

But in all seriousness, you really should put a proper backstory in. It doesn't have to be a full backstory, but it should be something! Use it as a chance to demonstrate your writing abilities! Interesting backstories make people want to RP!
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by MoniStar on Sun Nov 30, 2014 6:59 am

It fully fleshed out that's for sure. I think it's a fine OC, even if it seems they have... Too many permutations or results of their powers, it COULD lead to some being forgotten, or people getting annoyed since they have to try and keep up with all your rules, should they need to for whatever reason =P

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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by Lux Gracetail on Sun Nov 30, 2014 7:14 am

MoniStar wrote:It fully fleshed out that's for sure. I think it's a fine OC, even if it seems they have... Too many permutations or results of their powers, it COULD lead to some being forgotten, or people getting annoyed since they have to try and keep up with all your rules, should they need to for whatever reason =P

Powers?  O.o  Like what? I don't think I've got them listed on the bio. . . >.<;

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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by MoniStar on Sun Nov 30, 2014 7:17 am

Apologies... Misread

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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by Nightfur (Glaceon) on Sun Nov 30, 2014 5:41 pm

AxeBane wrote:Only thing I can see that's wrong with them is that they sigh too much. :^)

Axe, I think the sighing thing is a result of Lucario becoming too technologically advanced. Or maybe its Lucario trying to find social acceptance among other Pokemon... I guess only science will tell.
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by AxeBane on Sun Nov 30, 2014 11:24 pm

Nightfur (Glaceon) wrote:
AxeBane wrote:Only thing I can see that's wrong with them is that they sigh too much. :^)

Axe, I think the sighing thing is a result of Lucario becoming too technologically advanced. Or maybe its Lucario trying to find social acceptance among other Pokemon... I guess only science will tell.

Did somebody say 'science'?

/me casually grabs his scalpels, laughing maniacally.
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by ZinogreVolt on Sat Dec 06, 2014 2:11 am

Well, I have a few complaints with the character. For starters, Lux's cons seem very negligible, and hardly even worth mention, it seems like he's pretty much the perfect character in terms of personality, leaving little room for any further development. Another thing I noticed when going over things like the Touhou sections is that Lux has a bit too many tricks up his sleeve, there's nothing wrong with variety, but you're sort of overdoing it. You also seem to try a bit too hard to have Lux stand out from other Lucarios, to strange lengths, whether you like that or not is up to the reader's taste. Lastly, I'd like to actually know Lux's backstory, even if it is spoiler-y, it's better than being left left completely in the dark.
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by Bluegirl687 on Sat Dec 06, 2014 2:27 am

I completely agree ZinogreVolt, being lucky enough to know Lux in real life, I think that the character remains mostly true to his real life personality, though there are just too many powers. Also as you mentioned, there is practically no back-story, which seems very out of place for him and also seems almost lazy. But in my opinion, the parts that are explained are explained very well and overall is a good OC.

Summary:

Bad- No back story, barely anything in the "notable details" section
Good-Interesting idea and an interesting character.

Has science gone to far? No, of course not.
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by MoniStar on Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:18 am

He does kinda seem (Through observations and things you've said) like he pretty much has every power he could ever want, or every power that he needs to beat anyone who glances at him funny, I think that's a little boring, but that is just my opinion.

He's great in every single other respect, I just tend to dislike characters who can do everything (Or at least THAT aspect of them)

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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by AxeBane on Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:26 am

I like to think of myself as the person that knows Lux's character the best, to the point where I may even be able to RP as him myself, but there really is a few things that need to be changed and/or edited. Gonna have to back up these three guys above me regarding everything they've said. Revision really needs to be invoked, mate.

And yes! Lux, your character is, at present, very Mary Sue-ish, and pretty much at a state where any RP they enter, they won't grow at all from it. Lux is a character that can help others with their problems, but that doesn't help him... Much like the Doctor -- which I swear you took inspiration from -- Lux is a helper... He roams, helping, almost always emerging victorious, and then goes to do his own thing. One of the reasons I feel as if I could pull Lux off in an RP is because, despite all of his "unique traits", he's very one-sided, and relies on a chimera of character arch types and tropes. There's no real 'depth', and there's no wondering as to how he's going to grow from an RP. Honestly, I could rant about this all day, but I won't, because I don't want to feel like an asshole. .-.' Just uh... Talk to me on Skype about it if you really want more of my opinion.
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by MoniStar on Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:29 am

AxeBane wrote:I like to think of myself as the person that knows Lux's character the best, to the point where I may even be able to RP as him myself, but there really is a few things that need to be changed and/or edited. Gonna have to back up these three guys above me regarding everything they've said. Revision really needs to be invoked, mate.

And yes! Lux, your character is, at present, very Mary Sue-ish, and pretty much at a state where any RP they enter, they won't grow at all from it. Lux is a character that can help others with their problems, but that doesn't help him... Much like the Doctor -- which I swear you took inspiration from -- Lux is a helper... He roams, helping, almost always emerging victorious, and then goes to do his own thing. One of the reasons I feel as if I could pull Lux off in an RP is because, despite all of his "unique traits", he's very one-sided, and relies on a chimera of character arch types and tropes. There's no real 'depth', and there's no wondering as to how he's going to grow from an RP. Honestly, I could rant about this all day, but I won't, because I don't want to feel like an asshole. .-.' Just uh... Talk to me on Skype about it if you really want more of my opinion.

Axe Raises a good point, I've seen Lux wandering around and doing stuff, in many RP's, but I don't really think I've seen him change much/at all, no matter what the circumstance.
I'm well aware that could be intentional (Since it seems like Lux HAS experienced everything... Or his ability to do Nearly anything causes that)., But I just thought it was a point worth raising

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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by Bluegirl687 on Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:31 am

Knowing Lux, it's practically certain that he based this OC off the doctor, meaning he has the "experience of everything" overall pulling a bit away from the whole experience of character development, it would be a bit better though if he had a bit more of a backstory, even if it's just a scrap . But I can't really talk considering I don't even have an OC of my own...
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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

Post by Lux Gracetail on Sat Dec 06, 2014 3:39 am

Yeah, I need to give Lux a nerf. . . >.<; Any ideas what powers or thingys I should remove? An you guys are correct, I did take quite a leaf out of the Doctor's books.

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Re: RMOC: Lux Gracetail

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