Fumiyo the Braixen OC

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Fumiyo the Braixen OC

Post by Nao_Yasumori on Mon May 16, 2016 7:58 am

Name: Fumiyo
Species: Braixen (Shiny)
Age: 19 Level: 34 Gender: Female Ability: Blaze
Moveset: Fire Blast, Psyshock, Sunny Day, Solar Beam

   Preferences:
Food: Fresh Berry Soup
Hobby: Training/Studying
Season: Winter
People: Kind Hearted or People who take action

   Dislikes:
Food: Any Raw Meat
Hobby: Torture
Season: Summer
People: Selfish or Cruel behaviours

Appearance: A typical shiny Braixen but with a long carved spear like bone instead of a stick as her weapon, and a metallic necklace with a lock of Delphox hair encased in amber.

Personality: Often displays a cool, reserved but serious side and lacks a humorous side. Fumiyo is a righteous person who shows care for the life of people. She is quite an introvert, preferring to better herself in battle. She attempts to learn academics beginning off with history rather then mathematics to get a start on a normal life just so she has the feeling that she has somewhere to go IF she redeems herself. She most often interacts with people for the reason of becoming stronger or smarter or helping people or explaining something/teaching. She shows little to no interest in many topics and replies truthfully most often unless personal. She loathes her past and becomes touchy and emotionally vulnerable when the topic is brought up. Fumiyo owns a temper if provoked with the use of her past. She can own a great drive if she learns about a sick twisted person/pokemon or experiences cruel or inhumane behaviour. She's a vegetarian having a disgusting horrid feeling in her stomach at the sight of meat. Fumiyo is incredibly vigilant and recognises true desires of someone easier then others making her hard or lie towards. Although when lied to about information, she won't bring it up and make a big deal out of it. She's quite easy to bribe with the thought of becoming a good person or the thought of being granted redemption for her actions.

Backstory: As a young pokemon, she had been part of a small peaceful tribe for around 3 years of her life until there was a large invasion where she was kidnapped, influenced and trained up to level 20. From here, she believed her old past were full of psychotic murderers and cruel beings with false evidence. She then begun training intensely with a drive to fight and take down cruel beings with a clear appreciation of justice. When the invasion begun, Fumiyo had joined in on the front lines but all she saw was suffering, which brought down her spirits and made her question 'Is this justice?'. Upon approaching her family home, she ran in as it was being burnt down and there she had found her mother and 3 siblings. She was ambushed by her father and instinctively fought back, murdering her father not knowing who he was. She paused after she had just landed the finishing blow and looked around her, she then realised the bad she has done and the horrific actions she has committed. She had a new objective and that was to save her family and whoever remained alive and fight back the invaders of this village. She saved as many people as she could and fought using the bone weapon her father used. Somehow, Fumiyo was strong enough to fight back and chase them away. She apologised to her family several times and felt that it was right of her to banish herself from the tribe and never see her family ever. Her mother understood and gave Fumiyo her necklace to remind her that she is welcome back whenever she feels like it but Fumiyo felt far too guilty and left and has never seen or heard from her family since. From there she has been training with various powerful pokemon and doing as many good deeds starting off with simple tasks like loaning items to redeem herself but nothing has ever made her feel alive. Along her travels, she's seen and envied knowledge and possibly a normal life. Although she has little thought to whether she wants to raise a family or continue the line of work of assisting those in need or maybe even possibly joining a team.

Trivia:
- Fumiyo is defined as 'She who discovers the soul of others, and things'
- Based off a famous character from the show 'RWBY'


Last edited by Nao_Yasumori on Mon May 23, 2016 8:53 pm; edited 22 times in total (Reason for editing : Fixing errors)
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Re: Fumiyo the Braixen OC

Post by Fraction on Tue May 17, 2016 1:59 am

'... a metallic necklace with a lock of Delphox hair.'



Maybe give a bit insight about how she acquired such a specific type of a necklace?

Personality: She's considerably stubborn but rational. Trains to be well rounded and to be able to counter as many styles of fighting possible. She owns great passion and love for duelling. She aims to please all around her with her thought our ideas and plans and is rarely cocky. She enjoys being presented with new fighting styles and criticism. She prefers to not head in to things head first. She works particularly well under pressure showing limited weakness. Her mood adapts to the environment and people she is exposed to beginning off the day usually with optimism. She loathes the feeling of being helplessness because it makes her feel weak and useless which is when she'd burst with her boiling passion that is impossible to extinguish.

1) 'Stubborn but rational - and rarely cocky': This seems sort of highly unlikely, but if your character does possess these traits, then its one of those unique ones. It's a good personality to have, really. 

2) 'Loathing helplessness': This doesn't make much sense to me, why she would loathe helpless people if she herself relied on other people in a stage in her life (being 'under the wing of multiple Pokemon' as you said) unless she hated herself for getting help from others.

Other than that, I'd say you should opt for a less developed personality, and not a flawless one right off the bat. I don't have any objections, but with flaws in her character, it'd probably be easier for others to help her overcome her weaknesses, i.e easier for her to form relationships, unless you want this character to not form a large network of relations, but rather keep a small number of good friends.

Backstory: As a young pokemon, she lived with a family that owned high expectations. She was pressured and forced into learning Fire Blast even though she hadn't owned the pure power to perform it. A way to bypass this weakness, she mustered it into a more dense blast rather then a held beam. Constantly being put in battles with other weak pokemon of her family, she has mustered great strength but not nearly enough to survive on her own specially merely being 6-12 in this phase of her life. When she reached age 15, she was sent on her first assignment to find and defeat a Zorua hiding amongst tribes and clans and bring it back for it's fate to be determined. Although when she came back with a success, her family was killed by a rampaging Zoroark who was still there at the scene. Serena picked up a leftover bone and fought with her life successfully scaring off the Zoroark and leaving Zorua to be with it although from that point on, Rei has travelled along the land being under multiple wings of powerful pokemon. One of the most notable ones being a Raichu that taught her Shock Wave. She continues on with the drive to become powerful and a passion for learning.

1) 'Serena picked up a leftover bone': Typo?

2) 'Become powerful': But what for? If she has escaped her previous life, living between feuds and tribal hatred, what does she need power for anymore? Is she looking for revenge on the Zoroark that killed her family?

3) 'Owned high expectations': So this would be a family of prideful people, who may or may not be rich. Since they forced Rei to battle and become powerful against her wishes, it's sort of likely that Rei didn't love her family much. And that contradicts her 'wish to take revenge on the Zoroark' I mentioned above.

4) What does she plan to do now? Possibly, live and average life, have kids and give them the childhood she, herself, never had?

Okay, this sums up my questions for now. Consider it a rate. If you want numbers, I'll give you a 7.5/10 (Or a 7.8/10 heh.) since you obviously put more thought into it than an average RPer does. But, you need a certain flaw here and there in her personality. And some other stuff I mentioned above, don't leave loopholes in her story. This will polish up your OC making skills! Good job otherwise. Have fun with this character.
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Re: Fumiyo the Braixen OC

Post by LargeJellopy on Mon May 23, 2016 8:09 pm

Hmmm. Lemme give this a check...

So. I'll take it that the intention with this Braixen OC is to give off the idea that she's serious, wounded on her heart from a nasty past, trying to atone for her sins of yesterday.

Starting out by the bigger picks, some more clarity on her "good deeds" would be much appreciated!
The "uses a spear instead of a stick" looks rather brutal, which is very fitting for her background, but by what we're led to believe form her personality, not only she loathes her past (and her background), but also has academic pursuits right now...
Using a spear makes sense as it's a thing she likely has some trust on to save her hide when danger comes, but some more clarification on whether she uses it or not for the unspecified "good deeds" she atones with would be appreciated!

Speaking of clarification, what exactly is she perfecting herself in when it comes to academics? Or to battle, at that?
Academics and battling are both rather broad topics, and what exactly she's improving at makes a difference!
She's not gonna have the time to train equally in every single discipline of both these things, as you know.

While we're at it, I can get how she found out about battling, but how exactly did the wild Braixen come in contact with academics?
I do too have it that Pokémon can pass down knowledge and could have some sort of study going on, but after fleeing her tribe, how exactly did she come in contact with studying or presumed it was a good idea to do so?
Even among humans, the idea that academics lead to a good future or to contributions to the overall knowledge (an idea I agree with, to make clear) started to become widespread only recently; for most people, it was just do your job and teach the trade to your children, so it would be great to know how'd she come into contact with academics!

As for minor things...
Might be leftovers from her previous backstories, but:
-Nothing in the whole story implies a dislike or bad experiences with judgemental people, so I don't get where did that come from...
-Many different names all around the bio, especially "Kyuubi" - adjust, please

Overall, good to see the effort you put in! Take those as suggestions to have it become even better~~
Annnd may we meet later, on the RP room!

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Re: Fumiyo the Braixen OC

Post by Nao_Yasumori on Tue May 24, 2016 4:56 am

Thank you everyone so much for replying and reading my OC! I appreciate the suggestions and the typos you pointed out for me so much. I'm sorry for changing my character so often and even restarting from scratch but this should be the last update for Fumiyo the Braixen! I may post a more civilised Gijinka version of Braixen or variations of her for different situations and plots.
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Re: Fumiyo the Braixen OC

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