Vivian the Gardevoir (my OC, REWRITTEN TO BE BETTER)

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Vivian the Gardevoir (my OC, REWRITTEN TO BE BETTER)

Post by ShyGuyOfMoonside on Wed May 18, 2016 5:27 am

Name: Vivian, or Viv
Species: Gardevoir
Gender: Female
Level: 30
Age: 17
Moveset: Moonblast (learnt earlier in her life), Thunderbolt, Shadow Ball (both from TMs), Psychic

Appearance: Vivian wears a pair of sunglasses, a white shirt, and a leather jacket. She is taller than most other members of her species. Even though she's a criminal, her colours are the same as normal Gardevoirs, and this is because she thinks it will draw attention away from herself if people think she's a regular, elegant Gardevoir (despite the clothing she wears).

Likes: Technology, sleeping, making bad puns, solitude, valuables
Dislikes: The human world, policemen, bright lights

Personality: Vivian is highly intelligent and she's great with technology. She also is incredibly risky, being a criminal in the human world, and this is due to her incredible dislike of humans. She only performs these criminal acts because he has a huge grudge against humans that never went fulfilled. Vivian's criminal background also gives her a dislike towards bright lights, as lights give her a larger chance of being found. Vivian's intelligence is one of her most helpful traits, because this means she can think of good escape plans and her expertise with technology means she can easily manipulate electronic things (such as gates) to her own advantage. She hates her past, and has tried many methods of covering it up, none of which worked. She is incredibly touchy about her past in the school, and if anyone, even unknowingly, calls her weak, or if she is (even accidentally) reminded of her past, she gets extremely mad. Vivian isn't afraid to fight, especially if provoked, and she is very good at distanced combat, so she can escape fast, and not be seen. Whenever someone tries to report her, she immediately hunts them down and seeks to commit a heinous crime against them as payback. Vivian handles important things with a high amount of care (like crimes), but she handles other things (like physical objects) with little care.

Background: Vivian is unaware about many of her earlier years, although she knows that her earliest memory was a male Trainer walking up to her (as a Ralts), throwing a strange, red and white ball and capturing her in it. After this, she remembers that she did a lot of training before evolving into a Kirlia. Next thing she knew, she and her Trainer were in some sort of school. This is where her life first turned sour, as all around her and her Trainer, there were stuck-up people with better Pokemon who would always brag about how they could beat the Trainer in a battle, which slightly annoyed Vivian, but she dealt with it for a while. Vivian and her Trainer were in the bottom of all of their classes, and this was due to Vivian's laziness at the time. The Trainer failed all of his classes for a few years, and eventually, about three months after Vivian finally evolved into a Gardevoir, the Trainer released her back into the wild. Instead of being happy, Vivian was extremely angry. She couldn't believe that even her Trainer, who she'd been with for so long, would abandon her because she was a little lazy. This strengthened her grudge towards people in general, so much that she decided to move somewhere where no one knew her, and commit a lot of crimes to get her revenge on humans, which included stealing the valuables of people. So she moved to Castelia City, where, to this day, she lives in a hole in the wall in the sewers, where she has made her base, with a lot of stolen valuables and furnishings. Vivian has only been found out once before, but this was more of a "warning", as there are not really any "set punishments" for Pokemon. Vivian can understand some English, but she is unable to speak it, making clearing her name difficult for her.


Last edited by ShyGuyOfMoonside on Tue May 24, 2016 5:47 am; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Vivian the Gardevoir (my OC, REWRITTEN TO BE BETTER)

Post by MonochromeCloud on Fri May 20, 2016 2:39 pm

I like the concept and effort you put into this OC, and the background! She seems more like a civilized Gardevoir (Like a common city girl) and I like that you didn't make her a Mary-Sue character, or one that's oh-so perfect in so many ways. A character has to have flaws anyway, since that's what character development is for! Good luck on roleplaying with this amazeballs OC <3
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Re: Vivian the Gardevoir (my OC, REWRITTEN TO BE BETTER)

Post by LargeJellopy on Mon May 23, 2016 10:41 pm

So, lemme give some words here...

I really had my hopes up when I read a reference to the actual Route 102, but then... eh.
Really, this Gardevoir's life is entirely interchangeable for that of a human that lives on a well-off family on some nice city. The story seems like it was first thought for some human OC, and then all terms were replaced with Pokémon stuff like "Gardevoir", "Route 102" and "Castelia" with little further thought.

The personality itself seems well-developed, but it's far, far too human for a Gardevoir. No mentions of other Pokémon, mentions of outfits, mentions of a "school" (and it being obligatory for a wild Pokémon, somehow?), and then moving to a human city and getting a human job (no, saying "Pokémon" fast-food doesn't erase the humanization of the whole situation), and then being unable to move elsewhere because "she is young", even if she is now a Gardevoir. What she's afraid of? Lacking money to pay for the travels? Needing a car? Psssh, she's a wild Pokémon, she doesn't need any of that!

The OC is pretty charming, relatable and well-thought out as a human, and I mean not to say that the personality is badly thought-out - it's the shining piece here! But as a wild Pokémon, if you ask me (which you sorta are, as you did ask for ratings), it doesn't work. You could make it so that she doesn't come from Route 102 and was instead raised on a more humanized setting, you could make it so that she's indeed a human (or gijinka, we accept those anyway), you could edit the backstory, or anything of the sort, but as a wild Gardevoir, this OC at the moment is far, far too modern-western-middle-class human.

I raise you this other bio, which you can access by clicking this text, as a counter-example. Even if this OC also has the odd "school and good friends" angle, the facts that the Gastly had the choice to enlist in a school setting, that he didn't ultimately end in a human job, and that the backstory has some more Pokémon references like the Eevee friend's struggle with evolutionary stones make for a more believably Pokémon-based background.

I hope I didn't sound overbearingly rude or something, but seeing people not treating Pokémon as the wild, not-human creatures they are is all too common and detracts harshly from the setting overall, especially when playing humans (or gijinka) is an available option.
May we meet later!

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General Winter Morozko, Articuno Jinn, a Whimsicott Jordan, a Lapras Kelly, a Gallade
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Re: Vivian the Gardevoir (my OC, REWRITTEN TO BE BETTER)

Post by ShyGuyOfMoonside on Tue May 24, 2016 5:32 am

The OC has been rewritten to make a bit more sense. A lot has been changed here, and I hope it's better than it was before.
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Re: Vivian the Gardevoir (my OC, REWRITTEN TO BE BETTER)

Post by LargeJellopy on Tue May 24, 2016 8:22 pm

And again I come to see what's come of it...

I'm glad you took my comments well! The story looks a lot more believable for a Gardevoir right now!
I can honestly say I love it right now, and so it doesn't stay just in the personal preference angle, I'll tell you why~~

Her backstory is short but very concise and tells us much of what we need to know to better understand this Gardevoir!
Many traits are taken right out of her backstory, like the distaste for lights, and it forms a rather believable and peculiar OC overall~~

Right now Vivian is a great display of how making a rather singular character can be as simple as taking a backstory and playing it up to its consequences instead of forcing the character into an archetype and not wavering from it even if backstory events would tell otherwise, nicely done!

I'm sure she's gonna be able to find some like-minded Pokémon to interact with in the freeforms! Much like her, plenty of other Pokémon have a distaste for humans overall~~
I especially like how the law enforcement where she lives doesn't have a set punishment for Pokémon, heh!
And I find rather amusing the bad 'mon look she acquired with the shades and leather jacket - we just need a motorcycle...

Overall, the new bio manages to blend the wilderness factor of Pokémon with their clear sentience to form a rather believable character, and I'm sure it could turn out well!
There's a rather singular aspect to her as a criminal Gardevoir looking for revenge, and much like the fairies of old lore, she's quite the cruel thing despite seeming elegant, which is an appreciable tie to the type - I hope you manage to have fun playing Vivian!

I especially hope you remember to keep a softer side to the character, as even the most hardened mafia men have a softer side to them and this helps both to keep the character more believable and to get others interacting with her in more than one way~~
And may we meet later!

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OCs right now:

Waroo, an Aurorus Hiwahiwa, a Gorebyss Jiggly, a Goodra Cassandra, an Absol
General Winter Morozko, Articuno Jinn, a Whimsicott Jordan, a Lapras Kelly, a Gallade
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Re: Vivian the Gardevoir (my OC, REWRITTEN TO BE BETTER)

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