My 3 OC's: Roy Severias, Byakuya Kansasias, and Ryuji "Ryu" Takasu.

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My 3 OC's: Roy Severias, Byakuya Kansasias, and Ryuji "Ryu" Takasu.

Post by Venomoth on Tue Sep 27, 2016 9:23 pm

I'm just looking for some feedback, both positive and negative. It is quite a long read, so please bare with me.  Please let me know if anything with the Pokemon is wrong. Thank you.

Roy Severias: The Royal Trainer:
Age: 17
Hometown: Aspertia City, Unova
Appearance: He greatly resembles Roy Mustang from the Fullmetal Alchemist series, though Severias’s outfit is predominantly red. He also wears a baseball cap with the Nimbasa City Royals logo.
Likes: Baseball, his Pokemon, his friends, video games, the Nimbasas City Royals, anime, rock music, and country music.
Dislikes: Corsola, the Humilau Cardinals, pop music, and politics.
Personality: He is generally a happy and kind person. He cares deeply for his team and friends While generally a kind person, he can snap when someone threatens to harm his Pokemon or friends. During battle, he’ll generally take on poses similar to that of baseball players, most specifically, Alex Gordon and Salvador Perez; his two favorite players. He also has a habit of referencing video games and anime in his speech.
Goals: To defeat each and every Pokemon League in the world.
Notable Accomplishments: Successfully defeated the Unova League Champion, Alder. Winner of the first Driftveil Tournament.
Roy’s starters: Espurr and Eevee.
Future team: Meowstic, Sylveon, Mawile, Venomoth, Volcarona, and Arbok.

Roy’s backstory:
Roy Severias is a young trainer born and raised in Aspertia City, Unova. He was born to Troy and Sienna Severias, the owners of the Severias Adoption Service and Ranch. During his childhood, he would often help his parents take care of the many Pokemon on the ranch. He would commonly feed them and make sure they are healthy. While working on their ranch, he came across two Pokemon. After his shift was over, he would go back and play with these two Pokemon, they became good friends quickly. These two Pokemon, a rare, shiny Espurr and an Eevee, would soon become his starter Pokemon. As they played, they become closer together. Shortly after meeting the two, he begged his parents to take them off the list of Pokemon up for adoption, they agreed. After he managed to convince them let the two Pokemon stay, he promised to take them both on a journey after he turned fourteen. It wasn’t too long after that he turned fourteen and left the city on a journey. On their way to the next town, Floccesy Town, he came across his third Pokemon, Mawile. When he came across her, she was severely injured and seemingly abandoned by her previous Trainer. Feeling pity, he nursed her back to health and added her to the team. For some time, she was very distrustful of Roy and the other two Pokemon, though as they traveled, she eventually began to trust her Trainer and friends. She still remains distrustful of new people and Pokemon. It wasn’t too long after this that Espurr and Eevee evolved into Meowstic and Sylveon respectively. Shortly after obtaining their fourth badge from Elesa, the Nimbasa City Gym Leader, they met Venomoth. Venomoth had been causing some trouble for the town’s locals. After hearing their pleas, he decided to battle and capture it. It had proved to be a tough opponent, after its capture, Roy has depended on it for many battles. On their way to Driftveil City to obtain their fifth badge, they came across Arbok. Rewarding his Pokemon for doing well in their training, he took a quick lunch break and gave them their reward. Unknowing to them, Arbok was lurking in the tall grass behind them. In a quick, unpredictable movement, it kidnapped Sylveon. Roy was furious and highly concerned for the safety of his friend, he gave chase to the Arbok. Though, it was not needed, as Sylveon had dealt with and defeated the Arbok long before Roy caught up. Roy caught it in order to prevent this from happening to anyone else. Arbok became good friends with the rest of the team, though its relation with Sylveon is a bit strained. After obtaining his fifth badge, he went off the World Tournament as Clay, the Driftveil City Gym Leader, instructed him to do. Though, rather than going to the World Tournament like he was supposed to, he decided to take a quick tour of the Desert Ruins, though this proved to be a mistake. As he reached the end of the tunnel, he met a Pokemon that legends have referred to as the “Sun Deity”, Volcarona.  Engaging Volcarona in battle, it proved itself to be an extremely powerful opponent, being able to defeat 4 of Roy’s Pokemon with relative ease. It fell in battle after taking many powerful and super-effective Aqua Tails from Arbok. It eventually helped him win the first World Tournament, being crowned as Driftveil’s Strongest. Just three years after leaving on his journey, he defeated the Unova League Champion, Alder, making him the youngest Champion in the region’s history.

Roy's Pokemon Details:

Meowstic-
Ability: Infiltrator
Type: Psychic
Gender: Female
Special Traits: Shiny
Personality: She’s a timid, yet sweet Pokemon. She becomes very nervous around other trainers.
Notable Relations: She has a very strong and tight relationship with her trainer. She shares a sister-like bond with Sylveon and Mawile.
Moves: Psychic, Hidden Power (Ice), Charge Beam, and Signal Beam.
Place first met: Aspertia City, Unova (As his starter).

Sylveon-
Ability: Pixilate
Type: Fairy
Gender: Female
Special Traits: She wears a blue scarf.
Personality: Kind, caring, and very energetic. Unlike Meowstic, she’s a bit more open to new trainers.
Notable Relations: She shares an incredible bond with Roy, though it’s not quite as strong as Roy’s and Meowstic’s. She also shares a sister-like bond with Meowstic and Mawile.
Moves: Hyper Voice, Swift, Shadow Ball, Protect.
Place first met: Aspertia City, Unova. (As his other starter.)

Mawile-
Ability: Sheer Force
Type: Fairy/Steel
Gender: Female
Special Traits: She’s a bit smaller than most Pokemon of her species.
Personality: Timid, kind, and easily frightened. She’s extremely distrustful of other trainers due to her past experience.
Notable relations: She is very close to Sylveon and Mawile. She seems to love her trainer, but she's still a bit nervous around him.
Moves: Iron Head, Play Rough, Ice Beam, Swords Dance.
Place first met: Virbank City

Venomoth-
Ability: Tinted Lens
Type: Poison/Bug
Gender: Male
Special Traits: None
Personality: A very proud and confident Pokemon. He will often underestimate opponents.
Notable Relations: None.
Moves: Quiver Dance, Sleep Powder, Bug Buzz, Sludge Bomb.
Place first met: Route 16, the eastern route exiting Nimbasa City.

Arbok-
Ability: Intimidate
Type: Poison
Gender: Male
Special Traits: None
Personality: Cool, calm, and collected, unless his friends are harmed, then he becomes quickly angered.
Notable Relations: Has a very strained relationship with Sylveon.
Moves: Coil, Gunk Shot, Aqua Tail, Sucker Punch.
Place first met: Route 5, the western route exiting Nimbasa City.

Volcarona`
Ability: Flame Body
Type: Fire/Bug
Gender: Male
Special Traits: Roy’s most powerful Pokemon.
Personality: Cold and fairly independent, usually emotionless unless on the brink of losing.
Notable Relations: None
Moves: Fiery Dance, Quiver Dance, Bug Buzz, and Giga Drain.

Byakuya Kansasias: The Silent Trainer:
Age: 17
Hometown: Sunyshore City, Unova
Appearance: His outfit is predominantly black; he has a black jacket, black shirt, and black pants. On the back of his jacket is the Fullmetal Alchemist logo.
Personality: Cool, calm, and collected. He’s generally a calm person, though he can get overly excited in the midst of battle. He will often reference video games and anime in his speech. Though, generally calm, he will lose his calm demeanor whenever it is storming, he’s deathly afraid of thunder.
Likes: Video games, anime, music, and his Pokemon.
Dislikes: Abusive trainers and thunderstorms.
Goals: To become the Sinnoh League Champion and defeat the Sinnoh Battle Frontier; he wants to become Sinnoh’s strongest trainer.
Notable Achievements: Defeat Champion Cynthia, Obtained the 6 Frontier Symbols; but lost against the Frontier King.
Pokemon on Hand: Pichu, Vaporeon, Hydriegon, Ariados, Weezing, and Noctowl.

Byakuya’s bio:
Byakuya is a young trainer that hails from Sunyshore City in the Sinnoh region. He has always been a fairly closed off, independent trainer. Unlike most of the happy-go luck citizens of Sunyshore City; Byakuya has always been very serious and calm. Rather than playing with the other children in the town, he would often go to Route 224 and play with the Pokemon that lived in the area. It was here that he met his most beloved Pokemon, Pichu, whom he nicknamed Sparky. After a few years of playing together, he decided to bring her home so his parents can meet the small Pokemon. Initially, they were not going to allow Pichu and Byakuya stay together, they were afraid that he would be a bad influence on the tiny Electric-type. Eventually, he managed to convince them to let him keep the small Pokemon. Byakuya and Pichu grew close, quickly. After he turned twelve, he and Pichu left on their journey together. Pichu refused to evolve as they traveled, so Byakuya used an Everstone on it. However, this leaves Pichu incredibly weak, but a fast opponent. As they traveled, the two met their next friend, an Eevee that evolved into a Vaporeon not too long after. He named the Vaporeon; Azure. Eevee had evolved after messing with stuff in Byakuya’s bag, accidently touching the Water Stone in it. Vaporeon became close to Pichu despite being weak to Electric types, the two share a sisterly bond. Shortly after reaching Pastoria City, he came across his next Pokemon; a Koffing that he nicknamed Gas. After participating in the gym battle against the Pastoria City Gym Leader, Crasher Wake, it evolved into a Weezing, become a defensive powerhouse on Byakuya’s team. While in Pastoria City, he took part of a small game in the Great Marsh, that’s where he caught his fourth Pokemon, a Spinirak. Spinirak was easily captured as it was distracted by some bait Byakuya threw. While, it was not the winning Pokemon of the contest, Byakuya managed to keep it as a consolation prize. It evolved into Ariados not too long after. On his way to Mt. Coronet, Byakuya ran into his fifth Pokemon, a Noctowl. Pichu battled him in a relatively long battle, being nearly defeated despite having the advantage. After Byakuya caught him, he proved to be a dependable Pokemon. As he was on his way back to Sunyshore City, he came across Hydriegon, a rare sight in the Sinnoh region. Hydriegon attacked them, believing they were invading his territory. Hydriegon proved to be a brutal opponent, being able to take out everyone on his team until being taken out by Pichu’s newly learned Volt Tackle. Hydriegon became Byakuya’s most powerful Pokemon, being used against Cynthia’s Garchomp in his final battle in the Pokemon League. Just five years after his journey began, he accomplished his goal and became the Sinnoh League Champion, though he lost against the Frontier Brain. In order to become stronger, he and Pichu traveled to the Kalos region to defeat the Kalos League Champion, Diantha.

Byakuya's Pokemon Details:

Pichu-
Nickname: Sparky
Ability: Static
Gender: Female
Notable Traits: Shiny
Personality: Very timid, yet playful and sweet. She’s often referred to as sweetheart by her trainer and other people.
Notable Relations: She shares a strong, sisterly bond with Azure. She’s a bit nervous around Hydriegon. She also shares an extremely powerful bond with her trainer.
Moves: Volt Tackle, Hidden Power (Ice), Charm, and Sweet Kiss.
Place first met: Route 224, Sunyshore’s western exit.

Vaporeon-
Nickame: Azure
Ability: Water Absorb
Gender: Female
Notable traits: None.
Personality: Cool, calm, and collected like her trainer, though she’s a bit more open to people.
Notable relations: Extremely close to Pichu and her trainer.
Moves: Scald, Ice Beam, Toxic, and Protect.
Place first met: The outskirts of Pastoria City.

Weezing-
Nickname: Gas
Ability: Levitate
Gender: N/A
Notable traits: None
Personality: Fairly docile and kind, slow to anger.
Notable relations: None.
Moves: Sludge Bomb, Flamethrower, and Thunderbolt.
Place first met: Pastoria City

Ariados-
Nickname: Spider
Ability: Sniper
Gender: Female
Notable Traits: None
Personality: Rash and impulsive, very confident.
Notable Relations: None
Moves: Sucker Punch, Megahorn, Toxic Spikes, and Sticky Web.
Place first met: The Great Marsh

Noctowl-
Nickname: Owl
Ability: Insomnia
Gender: Male
Notable traits: He’s a bit smaller than most of his species.
Personality: Very calm and independent; very intelligent.
Notable relations: None.
Moves: Shadow Ball, Air Slash, Toxic, Protect.

Hydreigon-
Nickname: Hydra
Ability: Levitate
Gender: Male
Notable traits: He is Byakuya’s most powerful Pokemon.
Personality: Quick to anger, a bit rude, and very rash.
Notable Relations: Shares a very strained relationship with Pichu; she’s very nervous around Hydreigon and he doesn’t like her very much.
Moves: Dark Pulse, Dragon Pulse, Fire Blast, and Hyper Beam.
Place first met: Route 224, near Sunyshore City.

Ryuji "Ryu" Takasu: The Misunderstood Trainer:
Age: 16
Hometown: Ecruteak City, Johto
Appearance: He greatly resembles the character of the same name from Toradora!
Personality: He’s a cold and harsh trainer at first, usually very blunt as well; at least towards other trainers. Though, he dearly loves and cares for his Pokemon.
Likes: Rock music, country music, studying, his Pokemon, and Fullmetal Alchemist.
Dislikes: Pop music, being interrupted during his studies, and the cold.
Goals: To document and meet every single Pokemon the world has to offer. Defeat Lance and eventually defeat the one trainer on Mt. Silver.
Notable Achievements: Documented all 251 Pokemon within the Kanto and Johto landmasses. Defeated Lance and the Johto League.
Pokemon on Hand: Cincinno, Steelix, Magnezone, Metagross, Flareon, and Beedrill.

Ryuji’s bio:
This is a young trainer hailing from the rural town in Johto, Ecruteak City. When he turned eight years old, his parents took him on a trip to the Unova Region. It was in Unova that he met his most beloved Pokemon, Mincinno. His parents were overjoyed to see him getting along with a Pokemon so well. They decided to let him keep it; though only if he took good care of her. After he turned 10, he took Mincinno on a journey with him through the Johto region to document each and every Pokemon the region has to offer. He also decided to take on the Johto League, he figured it would be a great way to document many different Pokemon. Along his journey, he learned of a powerful, legendary trainer that resides on top of Johto’s harshest place, Mt. Silver. After hearing about the trainer, he made it his goal to reach the top of Mt. Silver and defeat him in battle. After leaving his hometown, a trainer from Goldenrod City gave Ryuji an Eevee, feeling it would be a good idea for the small Pokemon to travel with the trainer. Eevee and her trainer got along exceptionally well. It wasn’t too long before that Eevee had used the Fire Stone to evolve into Flareon. After heading out to the Ilex Forest, Ryuji used his newly obtained Eevee to battle and catch a Beedrill. Beedrill was a fairly easy capture, being weak, but fast. Shortly after Beedrill’s capture, Ryuji came across two rather peculiar stones, one of them were small and resembled a typical glass marble. The marble’s colors are strikingly similar to Beedrill. During their third gym battle against the Goldenrod City Gym Leader Whitney, it was discovered that it was a Mega Stone that Beedrill can use. The Beedrillite turned Beedrill into a very fast and powerful threat. On their way through the Dark Cave, they came across Steelix. The Steelix was unintentionally causing trouble for the residents near the cave as it was tunneling underneath it. In order to stop it, he had his newly evolved Flareon battle it and Flareon was eventually defeated, Mincinno was the one who managed to successfully land the finishing blow. Ryuji caught the fallen Pokemon and it became a very dependable Pokemon. It can take hits like nothing and deals pretty good damage, but Steelix is very slow. Shortly after, they met the Hoenn League Champion, Steven Stone, who gave Ryuji his fifth Pokemon, a Metang. Metang and Ryuji got along rather well. As they battled together, Metang eventually evolved into a Metagross, quickly becoming Ryuji’s most powerful Pokemon. Though, like Steelix, it is painfully slow. Just before leaving Victory Road, they came across the sixth and final member, Magnezone. The Electric type was found trying to steal food and various items from not only Ryuji, but other trainers as well. In response, Ryuji used Metagross in a battle against it, and caught it soon after. Magnezone is like Steelix and Metagross, though it is less powerful and much faster.

Ryuji's Pokemon Details:

Cincinno-
Type: Normal
Ability: Cute Charm
Gender: Female
Notable Traits: None
Personality: Sweet, playful, and quite timid. She’ll often be referred to as “sweetheart” by her trainer and other people.
Notable relations: She’s extremely close to her trainer and to Flareon. She shares a rather weak bond with Steelix, however.
Moves: Hyper Voice, Thunderbolt, Gunk Shot, Seed Bomb.
Place first met: Route 5 in the Unova Region.

Flareon-
Type: Fire
Ability: Flash Fire
Gender: Female
Notable traits: Wears a blue scarf that resembles the Choice Scarf.
Personality: Hyper, playful, and very sweet and loving.
Notable relations: She’s incredibly close to her trainer and Cincinno.
Moves: Flare Blitz, Protect, Quick Attack, and Iron Tail.
Place first met: Goldenrod City, Johto.

Beedrill-
Type: Bug/Poison
Ability: Sniper
Gender: Male
Notable traits: It can Mega Evolve to become a terrifying glass cannon.
Personality: Calm and quiet generally, though it can become quite angry during battle.
Notable Relations: None
Moves: Knock Off, Poison Jab, Fell Stinger, and Protect.
Place first met: The Ilex Forest.

Steelix-
Type: Steel/Ground
Ability: Sturdy
Gender: Male
Notable traits: Shiny
Personality: Very confident and proud; often underestimates others.
Notable Relations: His relationship with Cincinno is fairly strained.
Moves: Iron Tail, Crunch, Earthquake, and Automize.
Place first met: The Dark Cave

Metagross-
Type: Steel/Psychic
Ability: Clear Body
Gender: N/A
Notable traits: Ryuji’s most powerful Pokemon.
Personality: Cool, calm, and collected. It’s fairly docile and quiet.
Notable relations: None
Moves: Zen Headbutt, Meteor Mash, Ice Punch, Rock Polish.
Place first met: Received from Steven Stone in Mahogany Town.

Magnezone-
Type: Steel/Electric
Ability: Magnet Pull
Gender: N/A
Notable traits: None
Personality: Quiet and usually pretty kind, but it can snap fairly quickly.
Notable relations: None
Moves: Thunderbolt, Flash Cannon, Hidden Power (Ice), and Volt Switch.


Last edited by Venomoth on Wed Sep 28, 2016 2:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: My 3 OC's: Roy Severias, Byakuya Kansasias, and Ryuji "Ryu" Takasu.

Post by Fraction on Wed Sep 28, 2016 2:03 pm

Here's feedback on
Roy Severias:

Interesting character with great potential. Everything's fine and dandy except for the fact that you referenced Kansas City and St. Louis which don't exist in Unova. Perhaps try to name the teams after Unova's cities? Just cut down IRL baseball references imo, but it's your choice.

Byakuya Kansasias:

You typo'd at the beginning. 'Sunyshore City, Unova' where it should be Sinnoh, obv. And you spelled Spinarak wrong. Anyway, he seems like a decent character overall.

Secondly, Byakuya is a Japanese name, while Kansasias doesn't seem like one. You should probably give some insight to this matter.

Ryuji "Ryu" Takasu:

'Likes: Rock music, country music, studying, his Pokemon, and Fullmetal Alchemist.'
You referenced an IRL thing again, here. Though you could probably fit anime into the lore, I guess it doesn't matter much.

Those are my immediate two cents, it's 11 PM and I'm too tired to talk about their characteristics in detail, though you did nice work on these characters.
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