Data - Former Aether Researcher

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Data - Former Aether Researcher

Post by Sonata Of Chaos on Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:07 am

Hello people, this is a character I made various months ago, some of you may have RPed with him in the past.
Without further ado, here is his Character Biography

Thank you in advance for your feedbacks
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Sonata Of Chaos

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Re: Data - Former Aether Researcher

Post by The Penguinari of Sweg on Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:05 pm

Your bio and character are both very good! It probably helps that you've had some time to use him. Aside from a few grammar issues here and there, the bio itself is fine, so I won't be giving feedback on it. Some positive feedback...

- His backstory is well-written and believable while also being fairly original.

- I love his abilities! There have been people with a similar ability to use pokémon moves and whatnot in the past, but I haven't seen it done this way with such detail and relative believability.

- I like OCs that have a concrete goal in mind, whether it be a short or a long term goal. It makes them easier to use and gives them depth, so good on you for having your character have one.

There are just a few things that I think you could add to improve your character.

- Though his personality is good, it's just a bit lacking, and I think that going into a bit more detail on his traits would be a good idea. A few examples of things that you could add or elaborate on: What are some of his likes and dislikes? How quick is he to anger? When encountering wrongdoers, will he fight with them to stop them or try to negotiate? What's his opinion on violence? Is he good with people and pokémon, and is he better with one than the other? What's his attention span like?

- Has Data completely gotten over his trust issues or does he still struggle a bit with them? If he's completely gotten over them, then I think it would be a good idea to add some other internal strife, as he doesn't seem to have any specified. Characters having not only external but internal struggles as well make them more believable. Almost everyone in real life has at least some, so it only makes sense for OCs to have them as well.

- As much as I'd like to know exactly how the battle protocol module can replicate moves, I don't think it's necessary to add. Pokémon has its fair share of sci-fi stuff that's not elaborated on. If you can come up with at least a bit of detail on how it does that, though, that'd be pretty cool.

I hope my feedback helped to improve your OC, even if just a bit!
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