Cobalt the Empoleon

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Cobalt the Empoleon

Post by Cobalt on Mon Jul 17, 2017 4:05 pm

Now, I have a document of all of Cobalt's stuff but I'll just briefly explain:

Name: Cobalt
Moveser: Aqua Jet, Hydro Pump, Ice Beam, Flash Cannon
Personality: He used to be very serious, but he lightened up... like, a lot.
Backstory: When Cobalt was a little Piplup, he lived a happy life with his mother, father and sisters. He lived with a colony of penguins, his father being the leader. Growing up, he didn’t have many friends, except for one Piplup. His name was Waddle, but Cobalt called him Wads for short. Cobalt was happy until one day. The day his parents died.

It was a normal day for the Empoleon colony, until a Prinplup came back with a bloody flipper and sharp teeth marks. He was about to explain what it was, but before he could, a clan of Wailren came from nowhere and started attacking members of the colony. Many Pokemon died… including his father, who sacrificed himself to kill the leader of the Wailren Clan, and his mother, who died from the Wailren Clan Leader. Cobalt was only 7 when that happened. He only had Sapphire and Topaz to take care of him.
A few years later, Topaz, Sapphire, Wads and Cobalt were in a fierce blizzard. They tried to huddle together, but unfortunately got separated from each other due to forceful winds. Topaz had no one left to help him or be there for him. He only has an Assault Vest to remind him of them. He then started to become more serious and fierce.

When Cobalt finally evolved into an Empoleon, he found another colony of Empoleons. They all saw him and his massive horns. They all then worshiped Cobalt because in a colony of Empoleon, whoever has the largest horns is the leader. Cobalt was satisfactory being the leader like his father, but soon had to resign. He left the colony and after traveling so far, he stumbled upon a secret room inside a waterfall, where he now lives. As time went by for Cobalt, he met new friends, became more known throughout places, and even formed a resistance team.
Cobalt is now happy with his life and friends.
avatar
Cobalt

Status :
Online
Offline

Posts : 4
Join date : 2017-07-07

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Cobalt the Empoleon

Post by The Penguinari of Sweg on Mon Jul 17, 2017 5:31 pm

Because this seems to be a summary of Cobalt's bio, my feedback probably isn't as helpful as it could be. I recommend that you post a link to the entire document so that better, more in-depth feedback can be given on it. Anyway...

- Your OC doesn't have to be limited to a few certain moves. You can leave it as four moves if you want, but it'd be more interesting to detail his fighting style.

- There's little information on his personality here. I imagine that there's more on the document, but personality is the most defining part of an OC. Writing more about it can help flesh out your character a lot more, and even help you discover new things about them! Try coming up with information such as likes and dislikes, how he reacts to certain things, his feelings about humans and other pokémon, etc.

- His backstory is intriguing, but it could be much more detailed. Very little is said about the other survivors from his colony, especially Topaz and Sapphire. Try elaborating on it!

- There's also not much information about how and when he went from being serious to being lighthearted. Did his new friends help him do this? Speaking of new friends, are there any noteworthy ones? A lot of users leave out information about people their OC met in their backstory when their relationship with other characters is really a very important thing.

I hope that my little bits of feedback can help to make your OC better!
avatar
The Penguinari of Sweg

Status :
Online
Offline

Posts : 60
Join date : 2014-12-01

View user profile

Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum