Hey look,another legend attempt!

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Hey look,another legend attempt!

Post by ProwlerBC on Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:38 pm

Name:darkwing
species:yveltal
personality:supprisingly peaceful, kind to peaceful poke/trainers, merciless to evil
gender:male
backstory:originally after his slumber in his cacoon, he wrecked havoc, until he was eventually defeated and wounded gravely. when he eventually recovered,he became peaceful again,hoping that he would no longer be attacked. the wound was created on his wing,causing his flight abilties to be disabled,so usually he hides in his human/gjinka form
abilities:telepathy:staple of all legendaries,makes him able to privately communicate,
Soul stealing:you saw it coming,he effectively sucks the life out of something for energy
and last but not least,cacoon mode:when gravely hurt,he can return to cacoon mode for as most as an hour,but usually as a side effect he grows mad, which causes him to be completely merciless
gjinka appearance:black hair,one black eye one green eye,grey scarf,black and red clothing down to his shoes,and a horn from his yveltal form protruding from the top of his head
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Re: Hey look,another legend attempt!

Post by Orchid Bee on Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:27 pm

I understand that you put a lot of time and effort into making this and that you have your reasons for putting it on the Forums, but I highly suggest putting some more detail into each attribute that your character possesses.
Example 1: The backstory is very brief and doesn't actually provide much backstory. It also doesn't hurt to proof read your work during and after you make it to make any corrections that may be needed.
Example 2: Embellishment is hardly necessary when trying to add detail to something, such as your abilities. It is also important to consider downsides to an ability and to perhaps describe the nature of the ability even further so that readers know what to expect.
Example 3: A pretty major plot point was brought up in your character's inability to take flight. The section talking about the wound on his wing could easily be added as a hurdle that your character needs to overcome in your backstory.
Example 4: A document in the Legendary permissions (Document here) shows a pretty extensive guide on how to NOT write a legendary submission, most of the things I did not say in this post can be found on there.

Best of luck in future submissions!
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