Everyone's a human being. My story, my frustrations, and my hope.

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Everyone's a human being. My story, my frustrations, and my hope.

Post by Cradle Cat on Tue Jan 02, 2018 3:59 am

This is going to be hard to put out there on the internet for everyone to see. But, it'll be harder to get this point across without.

Hey there. I'm a human being, just like you, the reader, most likely are. Humans make mistakes. Humans have emotions. I wish I neither made mistakes nor had emotions sometimes, but sadly this is not in my control.

At the age of 9 I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. This form of ASD (autism spectrum disorder) assists with lateral thinking and problem solving, at the cost of poor social skills and unhealthy obsession. People with Asperger's syndrome have addictive personalities. They generally prefer time alone to time in large spaces. I have mild agoraphobia. I hate loud noise. I am an extrovert, which combined with my ASD makes life incredibly hard. However, in real life, people seem to generally like me. I have a fun and upbeat energy, I love music, I'm passionate and I try my very hardest to make friends and keep them.

At the age of 13 I joined the Roleplaying room. I really enjoyed the social aspect of writing with people, and immediately people seemed to take a liking to how I conducted myself and attempted to have fun. I narrowly avoided encounters with the wrong kind of people and eventually, about a year after I first joined, I was promoted to Room Driver. For some time, I was able to continue enjoying myself the same way I had in the past and it was great.

About 18 months ago, I took an extended break from Pokemon Showdown. I wanted to do other things, and the room was growing to be the bane of me. I no longer had a passion for the room, but that wasn't the fault of anything in particular. Many of my old friends had also either taken breaks or drifted away from me. There was drama surrounding a friend I'd introduced to the room myself, LufiaGuy2000. Everything seemed to be falling apart for me. During this time, I was going through issues with emerging acute anxiety, and even... well, let's not talk about what happened. What matters is I took a break, but returned to staff December 2016 due to noticing a lot of issues with understaffing, and wanting to help for the holiday season.

Today is the 2nd of January, 2018. I feel as if people in this room no longer treat me as a human being. My anxiety is constantly up whenever I am staffing, especially alone. I know many people here do not like me. However, I am not leaving. I am going to try and change the perspective of those who do not see me as a person to like. I want to be better. I just want people to let me try.

I hope... I hope maybe one day I'll look back on this post and feel as if I can move past my flaws, especially my perfectionism and desire to follow rules. I want to become flexible. I don't like the rigidity of my life, but it's how people with my condition think and live. Maybe, someone will see. Someone will see this post someday and be a little more open with their issues of mental health, and see that being a little more human can make people treat you a little more human.

I'm sorry. I will try harder. But I can smile too. Please, believe that I can smile too.

EDIT: In my emotion writing this I forgot the point. Please, take this as a message to think of everyone you see online as a real person, with a past and feelings and problems and solutions. Don't attack or insult others, even playfully, because you don't really know what that other person is going through. You can't know. I hope that maybe people can see everyone as human beings, because they all are. We're all unique, but all the same.
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Re: Everyone's a human being. My story, my frustrations, and my hope.

Post by Makqui~サマ on Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:30 am

...wow, Psycho.
never knew this stuff about you.
I'm young to be here, and am also having a hard time right now.
I've heard people call you 'The mean Driver' or 'hyperaggressive.'
I always wondered why. But now I know.
It's hard running a place. Even harder when you do it alone.
But know that you aren't alone, Psycho.
Like a song I once heard at a summer camp, just remember this lyric, Psycho-
"Take the time to smile at someone and before you're through,
someone will be smiling back at you~"

I'll probably write something like this. It's about time people know about me as well.
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Re: Everyone's a human being. My story, my frustrations, and my hope.

Post by Cozy Chiaki on Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:50 pm

I hope things get better in the future for you.
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Re: Everyone's a human being. My story, my frustrations, and my hope.

Post by ADHD⧓Tux on Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:04 am

I'd like to say I feel your pain, but I don't.

It's not because you're a bad person. It's just that I can't really relate to your struggles as a driver, with me being a carefree, irresponsible imbecile.

But I can still offer you my PM box in case you need someone to talk to.

Hope you feel better soon.
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Re: Everyone's a human being. My story, my frustrations, and my hope.

Post by DatTeamMaster on Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:42 pm

Bro... You're awesome... Why don't people like you? Like literally, you approved so much of my customs and you're a great staff. Dude you can talk to me if you want anytime XD.
If no one likes you how come you got promoted so fast!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Everyone's a human being. My story, my frustrations, and my hope.

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