my oc

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my oc

Post by shiny beldum on Wed Feb 25, 2015 8:45 pm

Flame,the charmander was a normal charmander until he found the secret out,but I'm ahead of myself.Flame was born in a cave,a dark cave.His mother and father took care of him.Unfortunately, one day his dad died trying to defend him.With only his mother left he had to help himself grow.He trained by battling zubat and other cave Pokemon,that's how he met his friend,bone a female cubone.They played together and found food together.Flame evolved soon getting changes.His friend bone evolved too.they both battled again and again.Flame eventually ganed scars and such from bones rock type moves.With him spending mostly time with bone,he never noticed a blastoise killed his mother.Flame needed support ,(if you don't like lovey dubby don't read this part)Flame asked if bone wanted to walk along the forest path,as soon they passed the third bush they sat kissing. When flame was a charizard they got married.If only he could see the future he would know.Soon after bone died.So sad he was about to jump in water killing him.Then he heard his mother as if she wasn't dead.she said "don't do it flame,you'll move on" then he screamed out"mom,mom,mom".She was gone.He soon moved on learning ways to live.He has a nice cave and plenty food.But anytime he looks at his face he fills with sadness at the death of bone.


Last edited by shiny beldum on Wed Mar 04, 2015 6:58 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: my oc

Post by HanakoK on Mon Mar 02, 2015 12:23 pm

Nice full background. It would benefit with better punctuation, grammar and paragraphs. I find it hard to believe Flame wouldn't notice the death of his mom. Do you mean he wasn't in the same are where his mother was killed, so he didn't witness it? Also, there are some parts that could be expounded upon, such as what was his dad defending him from.

Flame asked if bone wanted to walk along the forest path,that's where flame found someone,as soon they passed the third bush they sat and started kissing.

^ This part was really confusing. From what happened later on, I'm assuming it's Flame and bone who were kissing. Who/what is the "someone" Flame found?

I'd give this a 5/10 because of the confusing parts.
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Re: my oc

Post by Mei13 on Sun Mar 22, 2015 8:22 am

Cool backstory! The idea is good.
I suggest that you add more parts about the character, like personality and all.
Nothing more to say. What I wanted to say has already been posted. -u-"
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Re: my oc

Post by Sabre on Mon Mar 23, 2015 9:38 pm

Good backstory, maybe you could expand upon it? AxeBane has some great OC templates if you want them.
Good luck!

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Re: my oc

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